So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker’s land
So make your siren’s call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
~The Cave by Mumford & Sons
The other day I was hanging out with a very good friend of mine when they popped a question. “Have you ever thought about sex?”
Okay, don’t laugh everyone. “Well yes, I guess. I know most humans engage in sexual activity at one point in their lives.” What an odd question. There isn’t a taboo subject between us; but to talk about sex?
“I have a dirty secret to tell you then. But you cannot tell anybody. E, I mean it. Not your mother, not another Bestie.”
Oh god, what the hell did I just agree to keeping a secret?
Turns out my friend has had some hanky panky with their friend since we graduated…. I shall them Friends with Benefits. These two are both over the age of eighteen and capable consenting adults.
This is absolutely none of my business! Why are you telling me this? I’ve never had a sex life and I still don’t want to hear about yours! Ever. As I’m listening to the story my friend is revealing I just want to vomit. I asked for as little detail as possible. Thank god details were spared.
Anyway, the encounters have only happened a few times. After the nauseating oral novel was finished I finally asked the question that hadn’t been answered. “Were you guys safe?”
The response I got was a blank stare. “Of course we were safe, it was in his bedroom.”
E, it’s time to summon up the courage to use the proper word. “No, I mean, did you use protection? You know….condoms?” There, I said the word!
“No, it wasn’t needed. It wasn’t that area. I thought you could figure that out…”
When do you ever not need to use precautions and protection with coitus? That’s right, you always need it.
But this was my thoughtful response. “What the hell were you thinking? Why would either of you not think about using condoms no matter what you’re doing with sexual activity?! Are you nuts?”
“E, we were just enjoying the moment. You know, yolo.” My stupid friend laughs.
“That’s not a valid explanation. I’m not asking for an explanation, but not using protection is incredibly stupid and naive. Go ahead, enjoy the moment but just be safe.” Honestly, is that too much to do? In my opinion if you’re going to whore around with somebody use the proper safety measures. And if you are not properly prepared to engage in sexual activity, do not engage. Simple as that. No means no. Stop means stop. Go=Go
This whole story and conversation flipped into quite the discussion.
“Let me guess. You plan to wait until marriage to give yourself away? Is it because you don’t approve of premarital sex? Or is it because you’re a prude?” My friend is a bit irritated at this point (I did call them stupid).
Prude? Um, ouch. “Regardless if I wait until marriage is not important. There are just so many diseases out there related to sex. I think not to use condoms is a bad choice. I still love who you are; that will never change. But the first STD is gonna be a zinger for ya.”
Another angry huff. “I’m not going to get an STD.”
“You don’t know that. You could even get throat cancer at one point. Perhaps you won’t get an STD this time. But what if you don’t use a condom with the next person and your partner hadn’t used a condom with their previous partner?”
Finally a non tense vocal tone. “Yuck.”
That truly is a revolting thought isn’t it?
“So, what do you think, Friend?” I inquire.
“I think you brought up a few valid points. But E, what I’m having is just a summer fling. Nothing more. Don’t you ever feel like living?”
Fine, go ahead and feel used when it’s over. I promise not to say I told you so. “I feel alive almost every day. I live in the happy, sad, odd and monumental moments of my life. We all need to have fun, but I try to have responsibility along with it.”
I have a question. Are all young adults irresponsible or just a few blatant ones?
“So, are you going to see him again?”
My friends face smiles. “Well yeah, probably. I’m still friends with him after all.”
Later that day when the two of us departed on happy terms again I began to think. I know it’s none of business what my friend does with their spare time. But this bothers me to no end. Not using protection? How insane and irresponsible. I’ll never be that way. Disease. Hurt feelings. Disease. It’s selfish as well not to use precautions. Is there a good reason not to use safe methods for sexual activity? Probably not. Before my friend and I departed I urged again for them to use condoms. I’m not sure my friend will listen but it never hurts to urge.